My Thoughts on Medication as Bipolar Woman Who Used to be on 5-6 Meds at Once

Me about a month after being in the hospital in 2013.

“They’re using you as a guinea pig” said the guy I used to casually date. This is a topic that many people who aren’t doctors nor suffer from any mental illnesses claim to be expert on. A lot of people don’t understand that when you go on medication, not all of your problems are going to be solved in a day. And sometimes these medications can take months to take full effect, the side effects can be brutal and then you have these people who try to know-it-all telling you that you should or should not be taking these medications when that decision is literally none of their business.

Now to clarify, I’m not anti-medication. But I know a lot of psychiatrists will over prescribe medication for every big and little thing. And here in Canada where I live, they are not legally obligated to tell you what the side effects are and often won’t tell you what they are until they occur.

Next, medication will never solve the issues in your environment and relationships or poverty if you live in poverty. In order to get yourself solving these issues is a lot of inner and outer work on yourself with some assistance with meds, non-medication therapy and social aid resources. But a flaw in the system is that if somebody is sad for an environmental reason, the system can still classify you as depressed and try to medicate you for it. And Sometimes doctors will use meds to make patients easier to deal with. I was causing a bit of chaos in the hospital so they forced me to take pills to shut me up. This being said, the right med at the right dose will really help balance your brain chemistry so you don’t have constantly be at war with your own brain.

The following is a list of meds I’ve been on:

1) Risperidone, an antipsychotic was my first prescription related to Bipolar. I stayed on it for a year or two. It made my muscles so tense that I could barely walk. Initially to counter to side effects I was given a second medication. But it made my vision blurry when I had 20/20 vision. And the numbness and inability to connect with anyone on it was real.

2) Lithium. I was on this the longest. It’s a salt that acts as a mood stabilizer but because it’s a salt it dehydrates you and and is really hard on your kidneys. It makes you more sensitve to the sun and the most annoying side effect was it made my hands shake a lot to the point where I looked nervous 24/7. And if I actually was nervous or scared I couldn’t hide it and the shakes got worse. The mental numb feeling was everyday all day.

3) Citalopram. An anti-depressant. Usually doctors are reluctant to prescribe anti depressants to Bipolar patients because it can trigger mania. But my depression got so bad after I got out of the hospital that they had to prescribe something. I was on like 4 drugs at this point that I’m not even sure what the side effects were.

4) I forget what the 4th one was called or what the side effects were, but it was to treat anxiety.

5) Ativan. I was given this in the hospital because I was disturbing everone else in my manic psychosis. So basically it was just used once to shut me up and make me easier to deal with. The morning after I was exhausted and speaking in monotone. It was like being hung over.

6) Abilify. It’s both an antipsychotic and mood stabilizer. I’m still on this one and currently it is the only medication I take. I really like my current psychiatrist because she got me off all of the unhelpful psychiatric medication and got me on this one. The only side effect I notice is crazy weight gain and high blood sugar but it has given me so much mental stability. I can actually feel my feelings again!